Why cant I?
by krostovikraven1
Summary: Raven's actions and secret outings have caught Beast Boy's attention and sparked his curiosity but as he tries to find out what is she up to, he'll risk more than what he expected. Will he find out before is too late and be her hero?


_Hey guys, me again. So i wrote this a few months ago and left it pending because i was still in the early chapters of "Beast Boy's living past" and wanted to get at least close to the end to post this. It will be a short story, hopefully you guys like it._

_So, it'll start with Raven's POV, then BB's and me as I narrate what happens in between. Let me know what you think._

* * *

**Why cant I **

Not a typical evening in Jump City. A couple of bank robberies and a jewelry store. Just humans. They pose no threat beyond their small guns to scare the tellers. A simple flick of my hand and their guns are thrown across the room where Cyborg gets a hold of them and place them in a compartment of his bionic body.

They try their luck against Robin in hand combat but they don't stand a chance and the boy wonder don't even break a sweat.

Beast Boy comes next to me and asks "Are you ok Rae? You seem tense"

His voice sounds concerned and deep, deep down, in the recesses of my mind, the trace of a smile gets drawn. But instead I only say "I'm fine" and glide away.

Fifteen minutes later, the police arrives to arrest the bunch. And they let us be with nothing more than a "Great job Titans" before they leave.

It seems that tonight, any meta humans, sociopaths and assassins are keeping themselves out of trouble. Even Robin seems disappointed and with nothing more to do, he says "Lets head back home, we'll get some pizza and perhaps a movie, what do you guys think?"

There is a thunderous "BOOYAH!" from Cyborg while sharing a high five with Beast Boy. Starfire smiles sweetly at Robin for this might be one of those rare times she gets to spend time with him in a friendly environment and not a debriefing meeting with the team or the police.

However now they turn to me in an attempt to get me as excited as they are. I simply say "Fine" but meet no ones eyes and as I turn away I said "I'll meet you there" but, as I'm about to disappear thru a portal on the wall, Beast Boy asks "Where are you going?"

I can tell he tries not to be nosy in my affairs. But Its not just curiosity but perhaps concern as well and without looking I say "I have some errands to run" and leave without another word.

…

…

I appeared in an alley, just outside of a neighborhood. I like to walk by myself at night on the streets of Jump City. I like to observe the people, their way of living. And this street is the one I visit the most. They're middle class, some on the verge of the very poor, but even though they have no tangible riches, they do have their family…they do have hope.

It started a few months ago. Red X struck again and stole a security key to a chemical facility that experiments with a variety of components. Among them, Xenothium. The life source of his suit.

On the brink of his capture, he disappeared into a basement but as we ran after him, we found workers of the facility, hiding. I could sense their fear. Expectation, doubt, but, as I scanned the group, the mixture of emotions confused me and distracted me.

However, I was able to sense a ghost of exhilaration among the mess. When Robin saw my hesitation, he asked if everything was ok and if I knew where the thief was.

"No… too many people… but I know he's here, among them" I saw his face change. From concern to surprise then determination. But the moment he stepped towards the people, we heard an explosion and the rumble knocked down a wall adjacent to a vault and there, among the rubble was the criminal, with a bundle in his left hand and giving us a mocking salute with the other one before disappearing.

Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy run towards the disaster area in the vain attempt to catch Red X while Starfire and I stayed behind and guide the group of people away from the smoke and dust. Ambulances and fire trucks had already arrived when we came out.

After a head count that another employee performed, Starfire and I went back inside to help the guys.

As I walk along the front yards I look around and see thru the windows. I stop at the corner, they're having dinner, saying a prayer before eating, holding hands, with their heads bent and eyes close. Their little girl saw me once a couple of years ago. I had heard the parents arguments, I could sense the anger, the pain but most of all, fear. A fear so pure it could only be from a child. I ventured in, the adults are in their room. Down the hall there are two more rooms and the fear is now accompanied by silent whimpers.

I knocked softly on the door but I hear small feet rushing about and a struggle to get on the bed and a small light night came on. I phased thru the door. I can hear the parents.. They're still arguing.

I looked around the room and it's a girl's room. Stuffed animals, a two story doll house a rug in the middle and a small desk. The child could not be older than four or five.

"Are you my guardian angel?" she whispered. I didn't answer. If I say no she might get scared, if I say the truth, she'll definitely be scared but I cannot lie. So instead, I say nothing and let her make her own assumptions.

"I think you are" she answered herself when I didn't, but then, a loud noise was heard two doors down. The parents are now throwing things at each other and come out of their room, arguing up a storm along the hallway. The child gets scared and pulled the cover over her head. I can sense the parents, they have no intention of going in the girl's room, but their shouts and bad words just made me angrier. I heard another door slam and heard their muffled voices.

"Please don't hurt them" said the child. I'm confused but as I looked her way, I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror above her dresser. They're glowing white under the hood of my cloak. I could sense the little girl's fear of me now but with a speck of courage.

"They're not bad, they're just worried. Daddy lost his job today and mommy said I was going to be a big sister in a few months" she was sitting on her bed now. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and as I opened them again, I made sure they were no longer glowing, but another loud noise was heard. Glass. Perhaps a broken vase.

"Please make it stop" she said as she pulled the covers back over her head. Without a word I fell in a portal below my feet and reappeared in a dark corner of the room where the parents were arguing. Its intense, words and things thrown without care.

The mother is shedding angry tears, the father's face is red and sweaty. At some point, another vase is thrown and hit's a picture frame on the wall. The picture in it is of the little girl blowing off candles of a cake that had a number three drawn with flowers and lady bugs. In the background, the frozen image of her parents clapping, with happy faces and big smiles.

With my powers I levitated the picture, repaired the glass and placed it back on the wall. And a vision of a blurred image of the little girl for them to see. They fell silent, wide eyes and scared. But they saw what I wanted them to see and the mother gasped and the father was pale but for a moment, they looked at each other and all anger was gone, now, with an expression of concern they whispered the little girl's name and hand in hand run out of the room.

They entered the girl's room and found her sniffing, drying out tears. They hugged her and asked her if she was alright.

She said "I asked my guardian angel for you to stop fighting and it worked. She came because I was afraid you were going to hurt each other or my baby brother or sister"

The parents looked at each other and were about to say something when the girl said "Its ok, I can help to take care of the baby, you don't have to pay for a babysitter mommy and daddy, I can give you my piggy bank so you can pay the rent, just… don't fight anymore, please?"

They hugged her once more. Now, it is said that little kids can sense the supernatural and that day I think that was proven true because, I was watching them from outside the window, enveloped in the darkness of the night and my cloak. My eyes were no longer glowing and the hood was over my head and yet. Without looking around, without hesitating. The little girl turned my way and whispered a thank you while she was hugging her parents. I gave her a nod out of reflex but when the parents had asked who had she been talking to, they even came to the window and never saw me as she had done.

I left satisfied that I had helped a family to heal.

…

…

There are things I do that none of my friends know about and one of them is to study people's behavior, things they do or say that allows them to co exist, to share… to feel. Which has compelled me to ask myself _why cant I _. A simple thing people takes for granted is the one thing I cannot allow myself to do. Why? Because If I let my emotions run amok then so will my powers destroying everything and anything in their path.

No, impossible to allow that. Instead, I experience thru others.

Like today, a group of teenagers sat at the benches, hanging out after school. It was cloudy, was going to rain soon but the kids seemed not to care. I was hiding in the shadows.

There were three boys to the right, talking animatedly, laughing at each other's jokes. I can sense their care free spirit. They laugh just for the heck of it. Again … why cant I.

Another girl sits by herself with tiny earphones plugged in her ears, following the beat of whatever she's listening to with her foot and slight shake of her head. She's content.

Across from me however, from the same group, a young couple sat a few feet away from the rest. Odd couple if you ask me. Although she was no raging beauty, she had blossomed early enough. Soft curves that her clothing accentuated in a tasteful way. She had a shy smile and her eyes were always down. Sometimes looking at her phone, others just, in embarrassment.

Her companion was a different story, a late bloomer. Scrawny with curly hair. I smiled with curiosity at the sight and my hiding spot allowed me to observe freely. He had a nervous smile and upon sitting, he had placed one arm across her back, his hand resting on her right shoulder. She was still looking away.

At some point he drummed his fingers lazily on her shoulder to get her attention and every sideway glance she gave him made him hunch over further in his sit. But he looked at her longingly and I could feel his nerves out of control but he betrayed nothing other than a smile. Finally he moved closer and whispered something in her ear that made her blush but whispered something back at him. They both blushed and smiled at each other, both painfully shy.

The boy reminded me of someone else. His nervous smile and longing eyes, but this boy was obviously head over heels for that girl, no need to be an empath to figure that out. Beast Boy looks like that all the time, even more so when the pretty girls go up to him to say hi so no. that cannot be it.

I brought my attention back to the young couple. She was back to ignoring him again and for some reason that made me upset. There he was, a guy that Starfire would've called sweet, showing her in his own awkward way how he felt and she was just ignoring him.

I opened my empathic powers and I could sense his longing and it was twice as strong, I focused on her and now I can understand. She's not ignoring him just to be mean, she was embarrassed beyond control but excited at the same time.

Some of my powers are simple in a way. Being an empath I cant help but to sense everyone else's emotions in raging waves but, a lifetime of meditation has allowed me "tune out" those emotions. I can still sense them, sometimes, even discern what they are exactly but in a distant way. More analytical. But, allowing that ability to expand is the one thing I rarely do. When I let it happen I'm overwhelmed by the waves of emotions emanating from everyone around me. I did it once at the tower. Never again. The over enthusiasm of some of my friends was only bearable for a few seconds. Specially because they were focused on me.

The park however was almost empty. The teenagers are not aware of my presence so I'm able to focus on the couple in front of me. But a sudden wave of a familiar emotional signature startled me for a split second, as if calling my name and I turned in its direction but, just as fast, it was gone. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of jumping out of my hiding place in front of the kids. The girl had jumped on her boyfriend's lap. All shyness gone. Her breast were close to his face and despite my sudden presence, he had noticed and had an expression of contentment. I disappeared in a portal at my feet only a few seconds later without a word.

…

…

Raven was at the tower, set on finding her stalker but as she entered the common room, there seems to be nothing out of the ordinary other than Starfire and Robin chatting away closer than usual. Not touching but almost. Starfire gives her a smile and Robin waved at her before resuming their conversation.

Cyborg is in the kitchen with… is that an apron? Over six feet tall and well over three hundred pounds of muscle and machinery combined, literally a well oiled fighting machine, is all the way up to his elbows covered in flour and smudges of other ingredients. Usually he's cleaner than that but, the mess only means one thing… a cake will be in the near future or a new concoction to which the rest of the team will be expected to taste regardless of what it looks like.

But really there was nothing to be worried about. Cyborg is a great cook and bakes magnificently. He watches a lot of those cooking shows on TV. His favorite being of pastries, cakes and the like. His memory bank allows him to remember every detail and come up with an exact replica of the one on the shows. He waves at her, dripping whisk in hand before getting back to his task.

Beast Boy on the other hand, was as usual, playing a video game. His emotions attuned to the dare devil actions of his character. He spared a quick glance at her before avoiding a truck.

"Hey Rae, done with your errands already?" his expression betrays no embarrassment or guilt.

"Somewhat" Raven said and sat at the other end of the sofa, observing him. Another sideway glance from him and half a smile makes her aware that she was plain out staring. _Thank Azar for the hood still over my head_, she thought for its shadows hid a blush that surely is as deep as she thinks it is.

"Wanna play? Its fun" he asked without looking away from the screen, almost distracted.

"You know I don't play video games. Its pointless to run around, driving in circles" said Raven in her usual monotone

"But you can do a lot more on this one. You get to fly helicopters, jump from buildings in parachutes, take any car you want and customize others however you want. You get to tackle people just for the heck of it and get any guns you want… its pretty cool!" he said in a single breath.

"Take… any car?"

"Ok, so you steal it. That's why its called Grand Theft Auto" he said without looking my way and then another dramatic twist of his body, as if that would make the character move any faster, he finishes the current stage.

"Whoo hoo! Go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy…" he sang and danced with excitement. With no comprehension of such display over a useless device, Raven got up and silently glided towards the door but Beast Boy said "Hey Rae, where you going? The pizza is almost here and we were waiting on you to start the movie"

With a hidden sigh she turned and said "How much longer for the pizza to get here?"

"Maybe fifteen more minutes"

"Then I'll be here in twenty, I need a shower" she told him and left.

Beast Boy waited a few seconds before walking to the doors to make sure she was actually gone then went back to the others who were waiting anxiously.

_Thirty minutes ago_

Beast Boy was watching Raven from afar. _What's she looking for?_ he thought. He could see her hiding in front of a group of kids. They were doing nothing other than hanging out. He was perched on a branch a few feet away as a caterpillar. No way she could suspect since some of the real caterpillars were green anyway.

He watched with curiosity, and just like the other times, she seemed entirely focused on something that to him was irrelevant. Although he had been impressed when she had used her powers to stop that little girl's parents from fighting a few weeks ago. However, she never used them again, she just… observed with endless patience.

Something about the young couple got her attention so he decided to observe them as well. _C'mon kid, she's right there._ He thought to himself, he was even rooting for the boy when the girl whispered back in his ear. He could tell their relationship was days old. Both too shy to even look at each other in the eyes.

When the girl looked away, she seemed embarrassed and her companion looked a bit hurt. _Don't worry kid, you won half the battle. She's right there with you, she'll come around soon enough… she's not like Raven kid, Raven would have sent me flying across the field if I sat that close and try to put my arm around her like that. _

As soon as his last thought had gone thru before he could stop it, Raven gasped and literally jumped back out of her hiding spot, looking straight in his direction. He was petrified. didn't expect her to even be able to sense his presence being that small. But to his relief, she wasn't looking at him exactly, just in his direction. Somehow she had been able to sense his presence.

He looked over at the couple, the girl had given a small shriek and was now sitting on the guy's lap. When Raven left, the girl simply grabbed her boyfriend's face and kissed him. For a split second he smile to himself but then to his chagrin, remembered the empath had already left. So he turned into a bird and flew as fast as his wings allowed him.

He went inside thru a window in the common room. Cyborg was playing a video game, Starfire was at the kitchen preparing who knows what and Robin was at the table, reading a newspaper and sipping on his coffee.

"Quickly guys, Raven is coming, pretend I've been here the entire time" he spoke in hushed but hurried voice.

"Did she see you?" asked Robin, already weary of his teammate. He had warned him many times that spying on Raven would be dangerous.

Cyborg didn't even have a chance to pause his game when Beast Boy came and with extraordinary strength, pulled the tin man off his sit, pushed him to the kitchen and snatched the apron Star was wearing, grabbed a bag of flour and dumped it over whatever Star had been trying to prepare and then turned to Star, who had a confused and hurt expression for having her cooking ruined but smiled immediately when she was caught by Robin who couldn't help but to blush at the close proximity of the alien.

Beast Boy pushed them both to the end of the table and then run to the sofa and resume the game Cyborg had been playing.

"B, what am I supposed to do with this?" in almost angry whisper.

"Just… stir. Shhh, she's coming!" said Beast Boy and started to play and pretend that the sweat on his forehead was from hours of struggle with the controller.

Cyborg heard the doors hiss open and in a second of panic, he immersed his arms up to his elbows in the powdery, gooey concoction just in time right before Raven stepped in.

_Present _

"You're cutting it close B, she almost caught you this time" said Cyborg attempting to clean some of the mess he had in front of him.

"Beast Boy, what happened?" asked Robin getting off the chair and followed closely by the alien.

"I don't know, she was watching a couple of kids then was like she knew I was there"

"Look Beast Boy, I know you 're concerned and want to help but what you're doing is risky. She can have a bad temper" said Robin.

"Not mentioning you're not her favorite person, after pestering her with all the lame jokes you make" said Cyborg, finally free of sticky flour on his arms and taking off the apron.

"Friend Beast Boy, have you tried to speak to her instead? I'm afraid she wont be too pleased you are doing the spying on her"

"Look guys, maybe you're right and she'll send me to another dimension when she finds out, but I rather make an attempt at helping her with whatever she's going thru than watch her hide under her hood in her room, depressed all the time because we're too afraid to ask her what's going on… guys, just… cover for me a little bit longer, I'll find out soon enough"

"What if…"

But Robin was interrupted when the doors opened again and Raven walked in with a fresh clean uniform and semi damp hair.

…

…


End file.
